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I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided by people. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished at that point, as they were drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She made greater energy in our friendship, and must have realised more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, several of her friends have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for turned on her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending time together, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been organizing a trip to a country I've visited repeatedly and lived in for a while. I attempted to provide advice, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I recently returned from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can understand the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is not often the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to question ways you together can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult as there is no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. However, she might at first react like this before reflecting about what you've said. And should you never reach an agreement, it will give you peace knowing you were open and direct.